Sleepless night
by Rinoa Redcloak
Summary: Auron is still kept awake! Look at that, I actually updated. Rating for slight language and situations. You won't know unless you read!
1. Oh sweet jug o'mine...

Disc: Owned by Squaresoft, Auron and others that is. Story is all mine! Read or regret it!  
  
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Sleepless night  
  
Finally some peace, Auron sighed. Another long day of fighting fiends, collecting treasures and watching over those damn kids was about to end. He loosened the strap of his coat and removed his bracer and glove. Before chucking his coat and belt to the chair he made sure to grap his tokkuri. He desperately needed the relaxation that was provided by a sip of Spira's finest spirit.  
  
Auron sat on the bed. There were just four available rooms in the airship, and for once he was the lucky one to sleep alone. He shuddered at the memory of sleeping in Kimahri's vicinity: the Ronso snored like a bronchitic chihuahua.  
  
Wakka was not much better. He tossed and turned, and woke Auron up several times with the most annoying way; yelling Ya! in his sleep. The kid just had to play blitz even in dreams.  
  
Tidus was another story. They were so used to each other it was no hassle being together in a tiny room. But living together was that much easier back in Zanarkand. Maybe it was homesickness, or the harsness of the journey, but that boy was getting increasingly clingy. It was Tidus' luck that Auron had practiced his self control to the extreme. If he weren't so collected, he would have smacked the blond last time he grabbed and latched to Auron's arm. Yes, Auron had some serious issues concerning physical intimacy.  
  
Lucky he never had to share his room with the ladies. It wouldn't be appropriate anyway, but he had other reasons to object. Where Tidus was clingy, Yuna was acting like a schoolgirl with a crush on his teacher. Only worse. She had put Auron in some freaky pedestal where he felt totally out of place. If he were ever to share a room with her, he would probably end up backed to the corner, with Yuna kneeling in front of him, chanting the Hymn, burning incense and throwing flower petals around. Now that was disturbing. Auron sighed and decided the thought alone gave enaugh reason to take another, long sip.  
  
Rikku on the other hand had no respect for him. She was much like Tidus, cheery, cheeky and energetic. He felt old and tired, and those two only rubbed it in. And did she ever shut up? When they were camping out Auron had heard her, yapping on and on something in Al bhed in the middle of the night. She was much more quiet than Wakka, but Auron's sleep was shallow. Those two kids ought to get together, Auron smirked to himself, allowing himself another sip.  
  
If there was someone he'd like to have sleeping on the adjacent bed it was Lulu. She was calm, collected, didn't bother Auron and understood the beauty of silence. But if he ever voiced his opinion, everyone would get the exact wrong idea.  
  
Auron let his mind wonder as the warmth of liquor spread through. During the journey the others had fervently been trying to pair him up with somebody. It was a neverending joke that seemed to amuse them time after time. One of them started out eith "Hey Rikku, you still haven't had a sip from that jug ne?" Then they'd go on and on about how Auron could be seduced and by whom, and they went through everything from skimpy clothes (no luck there, heck, look at Rikku, and Lulu's cleavage is not exactly descreet) to confuse attacks. Next they'd speculate on why he showed no interest in anyone in an intimate level.  
  
Auron had to chucle when he recalled what happened earlier that day. He caught them going at that subject again. But instead of stopping it right away he opted to eavesdrop. After some usual banter Tidus had an idea: "Hey guys, what if... Well we gotta consider everything right? I mean. If Auron is. mmm. like not that straight? I mean, I never heard him even mentioning a woman, and I've known him for." That was Auron's cue. He promptly stepped out of the shadows and efficiently silenced Tidus. "Boy, did you miss something when I gave you that speech about the birds and the bees? You don't have to settle for only birds or bees, some like them both."  
  
The image of them all, eyes wide and jaws dropped to ground level, was a nice reward. The satisfaction of that memory was worth all those times he had to stop their endless chitchat about him. Tidus let out a nervous laugh, the same he used everytime Auron caught him. It was a giggle, accompanied by a load of eye blinking and hair stroking, which probably worked like charm on all teenage girls. Unfortunately for Tidus, Auron was not one.  
  
Yes, it was truly funny. Maybe they will all think twice next time. Hell, maybe Auron will have the luxury of sleeping alone for the rest of the trip! Now that was something to toast about. Cheers!  
  
Although his traveling company could be a pain in the ass (literally, since Lulu once "accidentally" threw a Thundara on his back) Auron didn't hate them. Quite the opposite, he was actually very fond of his mischievous bunch. To say the absolute truth, his feelings went even beyond that. A certain someone intrigued him to the point of attraction, but the day he'll let anybody notice was the day Cid gets nominated as a Maester of Yevon. Not in this world that is.  
  
By now Auron was lying down in his bed, stripped to his underwear, feeling warm and drowsy, all thanks to his faithful jug of Spira's finest. He dosed off thinking about that beautiful face, laced with a smile that could move mountains.  
  
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Hmm. Auron is relaxed and sleeping, now why is the title Sleepless night? Well, it seems this will be his best nap.  
  
Someone is about to wake him, and not the last one. Now people, I already know who's coming, but you CAN make a difference! Tell me what you want to happen, and who should be bothering our groggy lil' warrior ^_^ That's the button, leave a review. NOW! Or I'll summon my Pikachu plushie to cast Thunder on y'all! ~smiles sweetly~ 


	2. something wet comin' this way...

Author's ramblings: Thank you all! Glad so many liked the start. Inflammable Shoopuf: Umm, I'll do the NC-17 version separately, ok? And BTW, my computer is naughty, it won't let me review! Loved your fics, Starry reflections was veery inspiring. * lost in daydreams * Oh, back on track. Liked the other one too. Durtii and Novagirl: Don't worry, Rikku will come. soon enaugh. Just be patient ^_^ Spazkit: thanks for the kind words. I'll make it even more interesting.  
  
The mandatory disc: Auron is STILL not mine, damn Square has him. But I have this story! Enjoy!  
  
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Sleepless night: First wake up call  
  
Through his sleepy haze Auron heard the door opening. Without a move he took a peek at the intruder.  
  
The slender figure was tiptoeing across the room. When his eye adjusted to the absense of light, he recognized the figure as Tidus. Soaking wet, almost naked, shivering blond, he left a wet trail on his floor. By the time Auron realized what he'd seen, the boy had disappeared to the bathroom.  
  
Auron pondered his options. He could simply ignore it and pretend he's still sleeping when the boy comes out. Or he could find out what ever the hell was going on.  
  
Curiousity got the better of him, and so Auron sat up yawning and stretching his upper body.  
  
Finally the boy stepped out, still dripping wet, but now holding a small bottle. He was already sneaking away when Auron's demanding voice rang through the room, freezing Tidus still.  
  
"What do you think you're doing? Didn't get enaugh of my scorn earlier today?"  
  
"Ehh, hiya Auron. I'm, I'm just borrowing some shampoo, see? Mine just ran out so."  
  
"And you had to come to me now? Why not Wakka, or anyone else? Some of us are trying to get some rest."  
  
"Well, you see", Tidus trailed off, looking at his feet, then continued, "Wakka and Lulu are havin' some /deep/ conversation, I ain't gonna bother them now. And there's no way I'm going in front of Yuna like this!"  
  
"So you're afraid she'd lose interest hmm? But you don't seem the least bit worried about bothering me, how come." Auron was more stating than asking.  
  
"Why, it's not like I'm gonna find you here doin' it", Tidus said trying not to smirk.  
  
"Don't you be so sure boy! I'm still not too old for that mind you. And for goodness sake, you're dripping water all over the floor!"  
  
Tidus gave out a mocking sigh and rolled his eyes, blinked his eyes and promptly grabbed the towel from his waist. Acting like being butt naked in front of Auron was something he did all the time he leaned down to wipe the scattered drops of water. Now Auron had seen Tidus pull some stunts before, but never did the boy have the nerve to stick his bare ass practically under his nose! He certainly knew how to grate his nerves.  
  
Auron had to cough a bit to clear his throat before he could speak.  
  
"You're doing that on purpose."  
  
"Doing what?" Tidus responded in a most innocent tone, followed by more eye blinking.  
  
"Trying to give me a frigging heart attack. Cover yourself already before I go completely blind", Auron said in his reinstated authority. His posture was normal again, and his don't-mess-with-me-unless-you-want-to-die look was all Tidus had to see.  
  
Defeated, Tidus picked up his towel and hopped away like a hurt puppy. But being the cheeky young man he was, he just had to push his head in once more and have the last word.  
  
"Can't I get a goodnight kiss love?"  
  
Tidus dodged the pillow easily and disappeared with a loud bang. The boy's evade rate was getting better and better and his speed was as good as ever, Auron noted somewhat satisfied. Still he was very annoyed by what happened, so he got up grunting his displeasure and retrieved his pillow from the floor. He settled back on the bed. Even Tidus would not be so stoopid as to show his face to him again, at least for tonight. It was smooth sailing from now on.  
  
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Really Auron dear? You don't have a clue. MWUAHAHAHAA!  
  
Next chapter: it's the ladies' turn! Well, at least two of them show up. Auron's room is getting more crowded than the market square! Yay!  
  
Don't forget to leave a note, and tell me if you have any ideas! 


	3. Oh the terror!

Thanks for all my wonderful reviewers, you inspire my to continue!  
  
So this here is just a little madness before I get to the good parts of spanking Rikku and stuff ^_^ I feel really sorry for Auron now, I shouldn't make him suffer like this. Oh well, anything for ART, right?  
  
The Standard Babble: No, I still haven't bought Square, they won't sell the rights to FFX for gil. Wonder why?  
  
---------- Chapter 3 or Yevon have mercy on me! I'm bad! ----------  
  
Auron woke up covered in sweat, panting. It took him a while to realize he had a nightmare. He couldn't have slept long, an hour at most. But Yevon help him, did that dream seem real! It gave him cold shivers only thinking about it.  
  
****************** The Dream *********************  
  
He was fighting some pesky fiends. As he slayed the last one, he saw a crowd approaching him. Soon he identified them as a mob of drooling fan girls, armed with black leather miniskirts and t-shirts proclaiming "I'm Auron's No. 1 Bitch!". Some were carrying placards saying "Marry me Auron" or "Who's got the coolest sword? Auron!" If that wasn't enaugh to freak him up, the girl leading the mob looked a lot like Rikku. In fact, it /was/ Rikku, handcuffs clinking on her waist belt and sporting a long sturdy rope in her hands.  
  
Auron was definitely not going to stick around and find out what they planned to do to him, so he took off running as fast as he could. But the harder he kept running, the more difficult it was. First he had to shoo off a sea of red butterflies, then he was attaced by lightning bolts. He was very pleased to see a chocobo dallying about. With a swift move he was riding the bird, trying to navigate it through the plains. Blitzballs came flying around them, each bumping into the unfortunate duo and knocking the chocobo dizzy for precious seconds. Finally Auron realized he had to catch some balloons if he ever wanted to get safe fast enaugh.  
  
When he reached his goal he was pleased to find the mob gone. So he walked forward in a relaxed manner. Little did he know more trouble was on the way.  
  
And trouble came in the form of Yuna. She was dressed in a weird white robe, hopping up and down. Then she saw Auron and swiftly ran up to him. Before he had the chance to say hi, she glomped him, yelling, "Oh Auron, you finally came! I've got the altar ready, hurry up!" Then she danced around him, throwing rose petals in the air.  
  
Having had enaugh Auron took off again. He opened the door to a cottage that had magically appeared in front of him. He took a deep breath as he closed the door behind him. Auron fumbled to turn on the lights. That was his last mistake. Right across the room was Tidus dressed like a French maid, fluffing the pillows on the king size bed. Auron tried to move, but found his legs refused to cooperate. Next he tried to say something, but his tongue stuck in his throat. As he struggled with his unwilling body he saw Tidus wobbling his bottom towards him, and with every step another Tidus accompanied him. Auron's vision blurred and he managed to scream.  
  
************** The dream /cut off/ *****************  
  
  
  
This was short, but I thought I'd have to keep you people happy * smiles at her loyal fans * I'm trying my best to write some more. And hey, this chapter was a nightmare, so it's supposed to sound irrational. So drop me a line and tell me exactly how demented I am ^_^ 


	4. Fifteen bottles of sake in a jug...

Yes people, I actually got off my lazy butt and wrote another chapter of this baby! Wow for me! I've been under a severe angsty plot bunny attack, so please forgive me my procrastination, mmkay?  
Big thanks to everyone who reviewed, you are such darlings! This goes to you, xauberflote07 (I'm not cool, I'm still practising ^_^), Era Yachi, Tau, Sharyn (thanks for correcting, I appreciate it), Demona169, Little Suzuka, Angelus, SLCheese, DJ666 (wow, that is something...), Inflammable shoopuf (that dress was for you!), klepto-maniac... Ok, I thanked you already, on with the fic.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
What a horrible nightmare. Auron was still sweating, and the adrenaline wreaking havoc in his blood he tried to force his breath slower. He was succeeding, when he abruptly froze. Yes, his senses never betrayed him. There was somebody behind his door.  
  
"Who is it?" Auron inquired, wondering whether he really wanted to know. An immediate flush of relief came over him when a blue paw opened the door. Kimahri would pose no threat to his mental well-being.  
  
"Auron see Yuna?" Kimahri was as always, straight to the point. That's what Auron liked about him.  
  
"No. Is something wrong?"  
  
"Yuna not in her room. Rikku say she with Tidus, but not tell Kimahri where."  
  
"Well, I know Tidus will keep her safe, and as long as Rikku knows their whereabouts, there's probably no reason to worry. Rikku is her cousin after all." In his mind Auron added: "And boy are they both going to get their ass kicked if I'm wrong."  
  
"Anyway," Auron continued aloud, "the two are probably on the deck making out. Or something to that extent."  
  
Kimahri pondered this a moment, then replied: "Auron right. Kimahri still worry. Kimahri go look for them." The Ronso was already turning away, then he stopped in his tracks like he'd forgotten something important.  
  
"Yes?" Auron inquired.  
  
"Why Auron not sleep? Look stressed. Rikku have good sleep potion, Kimahri can get Rikku." The Ronso warrior's kind offer had a rather undesirable effect on poor Auron, still edgy from his nightmares. Rikku was one of the last people he wanted to see. And somehow the idea of Rikku and mind altering medication didn't mix well with Auron.  
  
"Yevon no!" Auron yelped, barely restraining his voice. "Excuse me, I... I think I had a little too much already", he continued, more cordially and composed.  
  
The Ronso was wise enough not to push it and paid no obvious notice to Auron's uncharasteristic response. He only nodded, and was out the door in an eyeblink.  
  
Left alone again Auron gathered his thoughts. Yuna would not leave the ship, at least not alone. Thanks to Cid's sophisticated machina, everyone would be safe as long as they stayed right beside the airship. The alarms would go off anyway if anything attacked. So it was not an issue.  
  
Then why did he feel a little uneasy? Auron was puzzled. His instincts were always right, and now they seemed to tell him something he quite couldn't put his finger on. The feeling was there, but it was not strong enough to make him act on it. That's why he was still in his bed and not searching with Kimahri. Auron trusted his instincts above all. Failing to do so had always led to trouble.  
  
Wrecking his sleep deprived brain he finally came up with a plausible explanation. They were just up to some childish prank. Yes, that's it. He should know, he had watched over Tidus for... oh Yevon, ten years already! And every year he gained another grey streak in his once pitch black hair. Tidus was, and still is, notorious in mischief, and Rikku's no better. They probably held contests on who could screw up most efficiently.  
  
Hopefully Yuna's serious attitude would keep those two in leash. Oh great, Tidus and Rikku were supposed to be /her/ guardians, not the other way around! And Auron felt like he had to keep the whole bunch in line. Kids, he muttered, they will be the end of me.  
  
Whatever they were up to, it was none of his concern. They wouldn't dare to bother him anyway. He'd hear all about it in the morning. Sleep should be Auron's number one priority now.  
  
Knock. Someone at the door. Again. Auron held his breath. Maybe if he kept really quiet, the cursed creature in the corridor would go away and leave him be.  
  
Guess I'm not the type to get lucky, Auron mumbled as the offender walked right in.  
  
"Heya, what's up man!"  
  
"Cut the niceties and get to the point," was the grouchy answer.  
  
"Aw man, you sure ain't a talker, ya?" Wakka rubbed his neck as if he was thinking hard. Fat chance there, Auron mused.  
  
"I have this question for you, ya? Since you're the oldest of us and all, you got the experience I think..." Wakka was fidgeting. He was clearly nervous. Auron waited, not exactly anxious to hear what his somewhat dimwitted Guardian "brudda" had in mind.  
  
"Sir Auron, you know something 'bout women? Like, how they work and stuff."  
  
Now that was /not/ at all what Auron had expected. But he found himself almost pleased with this turn. At least Wakka didn't seem to doubt his... preferences. On top of that, Wakka came to him, relying on his experience! Appreciation, that felt nice to have every once in a while.  
  
"I never received a manual, and Yevon knows I'd wanted one, but I guess I might be of some use," Auron answered.  
  
Wakka appeared encouraged by not getting his head chewed, so he loosened up some knots. He came to Auron's side and sat down.  
  
"You know me and Lulu -- is she hot or what!" Wakka nudged Auron's side in his typical "yo brudda"-way. "I really want to get closer ya, but she just won't let me. It's like," Wakka wawed his hands in a circle for effect, "everything I try is useless. And just when I think I got it, she's all cuddly and sweet an' all, you know, and then just, BANG! Nothing! So tell me, brudda, whaddam I supposed to do? Read her mind or what?"  
  
Auron listened through all Wakka's frustrated rumbling, which wasn't short in any way, sipping his sake, wearing his trademark expression. When the yapping stopped (Even Wakka has to draw some breath ya), Auron opened his mouth.  
  
"If there's one thing I've learned about women", he began, "is that never, ever make them angry at you", he said offering some of his sake to Wakka in an unusual bout of generousity. Looks like flattery will get you anywhere, including Auron's jug.  
  
"Yeah, that much I figured too", Wakka replied as he took a quick sip, afraid Auron would change his mind in a heartbeat. "Yeah, they're *scary when they're mad*", Wakka said in his best Rikku voice. Auron grinned, but was it because of the swell impersonation or Wakka making himself look even more ridiculous than usual, we'll never know.  
  
They were having a nice time, chatting on (well, Wakka mostly, but whatever), wondering what to make of women (again, mostly Wakka, since Auron is as much a mystery as any woman), and getting smashed (it's also known as male bonding, people!).  
  
They were abruptly stopped when Lulu stormed in.  
  
"What /are/ you doing in here?" she hissed.  
  
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That's it folks for now! Hope it didn't suck... Let's see, I've got a checklist here:  
1. Make fun of Tidus. Check.  
2. Make fun of Rikku. Check.  
3. Make fun of Wakka. Check.  
4. Keep Kimahri speaking like a dork. Check that too.  
5. Torture Auron. Hmm.. *reads* Oh no, I totally forgot! Oh man, my Tidus muse will be /so/ mad at me now...  
~Tidus~ That's right! Kick the old man where it hurts! You're being too nice!  
  
Ehh, get back in the closet Tidus, alright? I'll write some hot stuff for you...  
  
Again, review me, even if you hate my guts and want to rip my heart out and feed it to the wolves... *switch to Squall mode* ...Whatever. 


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